Steven Wright Quotes

Thanks to IreneQ for the link!

"Ladies and gentlemen, I use lithium for salad dressing." -- Steven Wright, via Liquid Courage

"When I die, I'm going to leave my body to science-fiction." -- Steven Wright

I'm staying in an old hotel. They send me a wake-up letter." -- Steven Wright

"You never know what you have until it's gone. I wanted to know what I had, so I got rid of everything." -- Steven Wright

"I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's what I'm still doing. The end." -- Steven Wright, from the autobiography on his web site

"To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is." -- Steven Wright

"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol." -- Steven Wright

"I have a microwave fireplace. You can lay down in front of the fire all night in eight minutes." -- Stephen Wright

"I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering." -- Steven Wright, comedian